You Know You're a Lame Duck When...

• You give a major speech about a war that has killed thousands and nobody gives a crap.
• Expectations for your SOTU address are so low; but, still, the only way you can exceed expectations is by not showing up.
  
• Even your Best Friends Forever, like Rush Limbaugh, won't bother listening to you talk.
• The only major new initiative you can think of is a tax on health insurance.
• Laura thinks it was funny to give you a feather covered crutch for Christmas.
• Jenna makes "quacking" sounds when she visits.
• The only school that wants your presidential library is a Pakistani madrassa with a major in suicide bombing.
  
• You go outside at Camp David and you see vultures circling overhead.
• You think you see webbing between your toes while taking a bath.
• Barney keeps peeing on your shoes.
• Dick Cheney's trigger finger starts twitching whenever he looks at you.